Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

This week has been interesting. I've had my port for about a week and it is finally starting to feel a little better. It still feels weird and limits my range of motion a little, but it is getting better. I really had a hard time looking at my port in the beginning. It is kind of the first physical sign that I have cancer and there is no turning back. I guess, for me at least, I deny that anything is actually wrong with me until I physically see it.  The port is the first thing that I really looked at and felt disgusted. I would love to say I am being a champ about this whole thing and nothing was going to get me down, but that would just not be the truth. I've had some breakdowns and moments I ask God "why me"? "What did I do wrong?"... This straight up sucks.  I wish none of this ever got me down but that just is not realistic.

I start my IVF this week to save my eggs since chemo may make me infertile. Luckily, my contact, Lizzie, at the fertility doctor's office has been amazing. Apparently, I am the first oncology patient that has been referred to their practice, which I honestly think it a good thing. Lizzie is an angel. She helped me find this program through LIVESTRONG to pay for the medications to get through IVF. These drugs are very expensive, so keep your finger crossed that I will be getting a call LIVESTRONG confirming I got the drugs. I really hope this all works out.

Silver lining of the week is I received a care package from my sister's best friends lil Jessi and Felts.  It was amazing.  I also got a visit from Misty, KL, and Rachel with another chemo care package. I honestly cannot believe how blessed I am with the people in my life. It is not only the care packages, but the amazing cards, texts, mental advise, support, and beyond. I could go on forever for the wonderful loving outpour from friends and family. It may be crappy that I have cancer, but the love that surrounds me is amazing.